Lately at the Stockdale residence, there has been a battle waging.   The outcome of this contest is just as historically meaningful as other monumental fights such as dog versus mailman, kilometer versus mile, East Side versus West Side, KU versus Mizzou, Pelosi versus Boehner, Tom versus Jerry, Itchy versus Scratchy, Vader versus Kenobi, peanut butter versus chocolate, Google versus that other search engine company, or Perry the Platypus versus Doctor Doofenshmirtz. 

I am, of course, referring to water diet versus Assistant Stockdale!

The water diet has served me well over the last few months.  I’m still down about 5-7 kilograms ( that’s equal to some random number of pounds ) since we left Kansas.  However, the only thing keeping me there is training for Ironman Arizona.   Today, I rode my bike 74 miles on the training stand.  ( Finally got the chance to watch Charlie Wilson’s War and The DaVinci Code.   It was a Tom Hanks marathon.  Charlie Wilson, thumbs up.  DaVinci Code, ehh. )  I don’t know what the heck I was thinking when Sean and Brian convinced me this was a good idea.

Diametrically opposed to the water diet and my training is the Assistant Stockdale.  What kinds of weapons are in the Assistant Stockdale’s vast arsenal?  She starts out luring you into a false sense of security with homemade blueberry muffins, then she hits you with sticky rice when you’re not looking.  From there it’s curried prawns, homemade pizza with the recipe from Mrs. Stockdale’s brother’s restaurant, and chicken fried rice.  However, when she finally has you on the ropes and wants to go for the death-blow, she launches HOMEMADE SOFT PRETZELS from SCRATCH.  They’re like you died and went to the Auntie Anne’s at the mall.

How long can the water diet maintain its defensive posture?  Probably until my race in November.  After that it’s weaknesses will start to show, but it may hang on until Half Ironman Singapore in March.  Then, my prediction is the water diet throws up the French flag and surrenders. 

It will have been a long battle.  It will have been a noble fight.  It will have been much more justifiable than reforming health care with a bill nobody read and wrecking a huge chunk of the US economy, but when the smoke clears and the Assistant Stockdale’s gun keeps adding bullets, her cooking will be a force to strong to resist.

You hear the term ‘fat and happy’ more often than ‘skinny and happy’, so it must be true.  Viva la Assistant Stockdale!