In your misguided war to save the environment by eliminating plastic bags ( the most useful free item on the face on the planet ), here is the monster you have created.

Run a marathon, get a free tote bag.

Run a 5k to help the reformed prisoners, get a free tote bag.

Buy some bread, get a free tote bag.

Your wife runs a marathon, she gets a free tote bag.

Your wife runs a 5k to help reform some prisoners, she gets a tote bag.

Buy some more bread, get another tote bag.

Use some random company to move to Singapore, get a tote bag.

Send a kid to camp, get a tote bag.

Buy some software, get a tote bag.

Buy some sandals, get a tote bag.

Do an Ironman, get a tote bag.

Buy even more bread, get a tote bag.

This doesn’t even include the 10-20 of these things I’ve thrown away over the years.  Plus, every time I throw one away, I put it inside a regular plastic bag out of spite, just to take up more room in the landfill. 

Remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions, not common sense.  And according to some dead French guy named Voltaire, common sense is not so common.  And according to Groundskeeper Willie, the French are nothing but cheese eating surrender monkeys.  So, it goes without saying that the Simpsons should be consulted on all environmental matters.

Personally, I have more faith in something I see on the Simpsons than 90% of what I’m told is wrong with the Earth.  Letting Mr. Burns build 100-200 nuclear reactors is really what our country needs, not reusable bags and that Prius thing.